


Black and Blue

by iamladyloki



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abusive Neil Hargrove, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Billy Hargrove Lives, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Ficlet, Fix-It, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Set After Season 3, a bit of self-hatred, billy is in a dark place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 07:03:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamladyloki/pseuds/iamladyloki
Summary: Spoilers for season 3.Everyone keeps telling Billy that healing will take time. That he can only move forward step-by-step and live in the present. That he shouldn’t compare where he is now to where he was in the past. Those people don’t realize that there is no ‘now’. There is only Before and After.





	Black and Blue

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write this to sort out some of my emotions over Billy's death. That's what fan fiction is for, after all. I needed a fix-it that kept Billy alive, but I also know that things would not be good for him even if he did survive. So this was the result.

Everyone keeps telling Billy that healing will take time. That he can only move forward step-by-step and live in the present. That he shouldn’t compare where he is now to where he was in the past. Those people don’t realize that there is no ‘now’. There is only Before and After.

After: he is released from the hospital and begins physical therapy to build up his muscle strength and range of movement. If he is going to be anything like his former self, if he wants to resume his weightlifting, he must get back to basics.

After: when he has settled back in the house, he refamiliarizes himself with his father’s fists and spitting words. His healing flesh dapples black and blue, and he takes it. He takes every goddamn hit. It is all he’s good for. Home sweet fucking home.

After: sometimes he feels like sleep is all he has, but even that is filled with nightmares that leave him shaking and nauseous and terrified. They are reminders of how he felt that day when he was stolen into the empty warehouse. Of every day after, when he slipped further and further from himself. He had been a passenger in his own body, his mind squeezed out to make room for _it_.

Who was he Before, anyways? An asshole who tried too hard to prove himself. To show that he was masculine enough, tough enough, sexy enough. That Hawkins, Indiana was too small to contain his violent personality. He took it out on Harrington, on his sister, and even his sister’s little boyfriend. He ruled Hawkins by eliciting fear through his rage.

So maybe he deserves to be scared out of his goddamn mind. It is a taste of his own medicine. Of his _father’s_.

How did he allow himself to become what he hated so fucking much? And why did it take such a traumatic experience to shake some sense into his thick skull? He is so ashamed.

Max is frustratingly pleasant. She tries so hard to help him and he can’t understand why. Billy, even though he was possessed by that _thing_ , killed so many people. And Before, he treated her like shit. So why does she take it upon herself to try to lift his mood? She does her best to find things to keep him entertained, since working out and starting shit isn’t an option. She leaves books she thinks he will like on his bedside table. She plays his albums loud enough to wake the dead. She even buys him Mötley Crüe’s newest album, Theatre of Pain, as a get-well present.

He is listening to the album when Neil charges in one evening and gives him a well-placed punch to the healing wound on his side that has him rolling over and trying not to vomit on his father’s shoes. Neil storms out just in time for Billy’s stomach to empty on the carpet.

A tear streaks down his face and he shakily wipes the bile from his lips. Theatre of Pain continues to play, switching on to the next song. The keyboard notes begin to play, and all Billy can do is chuckle darkly.

_“You know I'm a dreamer / But my heart's of gold / I had to run away high / So I wouldn't come home low…”_

Home Sweet Fucking Home.


End file.
